The time I was asked to excavate a grave

Yes, you have read the title of this post right. This has happened.

Before you feel extremely bad for me, let me reassure you that the "grave" in question was not a human grave. Now onto our story.

First year of Grad School - more precisely Film School, we were shooting in a property within the SCARRY, CREEPY, BUTT FU** EGYPT LOCATION that is the Los Angeles Forest. If you guys have never been to the L.A forest, well let me tell you, that place is no question the epicenter for mysterious drug deals, mafia killings, body dumpings, ghosts, freaks, white trash couples (yup they exist in LA), hippies (the bad kind), nuclear cloud victims (or something like that...) wolfes, coyotes, mummies, probably zombies and other monsters.

Why did we film there you may ask? Well we were shooting a "horror-themed" short and part of the film took place in a forest-like setting. Thusly, we were ideally looking for a "piece of forest" in a private property so we wouldn't have to endure the horrible fees that come with public areas like: a park ranger, a security guard, mandatory [ready to extinguish] water truck because of the infamous California brush fires etc... Several past students had shot in this "student-film-friendly" property before, so we thought... it's our turn now - might as well! This couple, whom shall remain nameless, owned the property and were famous for offering their grounds for film shoots in exchange for manual labor. In other words, if you did not have the "cash" to fork over for the rental fee, you could work off "your debt" on the property like a medieval time serf. In our case, we actually paid 60% of the rental fee and agreed to work off the rest. Seemed simple, straight forward, and the only option considering our meager budget. What can a little weeding and painting do to me? Thusly, after scouting the location prior to the shoot we agree to do the work on the property after the shoot. The owners were very excited to have yet another dynamic student film on their grounds. So excited, that *Bethany*, one of the owners decided to tell me about the surgery she just had and that being around during the shoot will "relax" her. Okay, great Bethany, so happy to hear that! Oh wait, you want to show me the scar you obtained because of the operation? No... that's okay I really don't need to see that, no really... or you are showing it to me anyway...Oh that's quite umn... BARF. I dont know how to describe it guys, and maybe I should not, but let's just say that it looked like she had a puss-formed umbilical cordon as a scar coming out of her stomach... Freak.

We were scheduled to shoot on the infamous LA Forest property which I shall rename "Melody Rivers" for ONE 12-hour day. Mind you that in order to get yourself to the location, you must drive a dangerous curvy road up the mountain for about 30 minutes. Driving it at 5am in the morning for a 6am call time, is NOT very calming, especially alone. Fast-forward to prep, which of course is never rapid after you ask your unpaid crew to drive 55 miles "within" the allotted TMZ (no, not the show....but the 30 mile zone) to a ghost mountain. After getting first shot, we are finally up to a good start. Things are going well, we are moving right along. ALL OF A SUDDEN, a crazy music start raging out of nowhere. 1. Where the hell is it coming from? 2. Its messing with our sound. Being a producer is all about putting out "fires", and QUICKLY. I run to the owner who had guaranteed me the "serene" forest look, feel and sound of her location. This music must stop, after all its not part of my "contractual package" for this location and we can't go on with our day like this. She sighs as soon as I tell her about what's going on. She knows EXACTLY what the problem is but does not seem very surprised, nor concerned for the continuation of our production. She remains sitted in her rocking chair as she lets me in on what "our" next move shall be.

Owner: You see, the music is probably coming from my neighbor...

me: but your neighbor's house is not for like half a mile from here... the music is a lot closer than that!

Owner: yeah... it's definitely him. You see he is crazy. Like actually crazy, he's schizophrenic and hates everyone. He hates movie shoots. and I guess today he decided to sabotage your shoot. That's how it is here... [go figure]

me: well can you please call him and tell him to turn down his music?

Owner: Like I said, he hates me... If I call, he'll just turn it up to be spiteful.

me: Okay, then I'll call him.

Owner: I erased his phone number.

me: Well I'll go over there myself

Owner: You won't find him, he is probably roaming around his side of the woods with a boom box.

me: This simply won't do, I need a solution NOW.

Owner: Well he's very much into "favors", so there's a few things that can be done for him and he'll probably cut it out.

me: Great! how fast can you do him a "favor". (At this point, I am so angry and frustrated that I am not realizing that this is just getting weirder and weirder)

At this point, the owner gets up. I'm finally feeling like things are going to get back in order. Phhhewwww. And as I start to walk back to our base camp...The owner comes back with a suit that resembles the one of a janitor and a beekeeper, a giant trash bag...and a shovel. As perplexed as I look she says:

Owner: Wear this so the smell does not bother you, and if you need a different shovel, we have plenty more in the back.

me: [Absolutely no words come out of my mouth. I am THAT confused and FREAKED out.]

Owner: So about a 5 minute walk from the river towards the right, is the beginning of his [the neighbor's] property. By mistake we buried an old dog there ... well maybe not by mistake...I forget if whether it was on purpose or not... [she stops to think]...well anyway, he's really mad about that, because it was not buried properly and the smell is just awful. He says it reeks ways into his property. So SIMPLE, dig up the body and just put it in this bag and, I'll let him know we took care of it, and that will be the end of your problem!

me: Hold on, Did I get this right? You would like me to go and dig up a dead dog?

Owner: It's the only way! Aren't you the producer? Just get a grip to do it if you have to be back on set.

me: Everyone needs to be on set.

Owner: Well stop production for a second and get this done.

me: There must be something else we can do...

Owner: Nope. That's it and I was pretty nice to give you this great solution. I only did it because I like you, otherwise I would have just told you "oh well".

At this moment, the SNL Week End Update segment "Really!? With Seth & Amy" flashes in my head. I mean REALLY!? Did I hear you right? You would like me or someone from my crew to excavate a grave? REALLY???? REALLY???!?!?!?

For about 10 seconds I thought - horrified - about what it would be like to walk over to the site with my beekeeper suit and dig up the carcasse of that poor dog. And after about 11 seconds I looked at the owner straight in the eye and told her that she could go ahead and call her neighbor to turn off the music. Within 15 minutes the music went down (she erased his number my A**).

I avoided the owner for the rest of the day and she never dared asked me what I did with the carcasse. She can think whatever she wants. But what really happened is that I never stepped anywhere close to that grave, and no one else did. No one dug up anything, no one went on a graveyard shift, literally. I guess sometimes problems tend to solve themselves.

After the shoot, I went back to Melody rivers with my team in order to "work off" our rental fee debt. What the owner asked us to do on that day was definitely not as bad as the excavation but it was definitely not the most normal tasks in the world either. From cleaning her disgusting and ancient fridge, to repainting a room with no windows that stunk as bad as what that dog grave must have smelled like, to other really weird sh*t. But you know what, that's for another tale, for another day.

Until then, hope you enjoyed this ridiculous true story in the life of a young film producer.

That's a wrap!

All songs are sung in American and other accent stories.

Im not going to try and explain the actual reasons on why this happens. I am not going to even attempt going into any scientific, linguistic or medical explanation on the subject. For one I have not done enough research, two that's not the point of this post, and three Gosh that sounds boring!

What I'd like to bring to your attention first is the mind-blowing phenomenon that happens when a British (Australian, South African, Texan etc.... all apply) singer sings a song, and his or her accent seems to MAGICALLY disappear. Don't believe me? Listen to Rolling in the Deep by London-born Adele. I mean she is rolling in the deep, accent free... just like any another good ol' American girl! How does this happen? Has pop culture brought all singers to sing with an "american accent" because America is your destined golden ticket? That makes sense, making it in the wild west will probably make you a very rich artist. But is that really it?

[side note: I just wikipedia-ed Adele to confirm her birth place, and OMFG she's younger than me... 23 years old... what is happening...!?!!...okay moving on....]

I don't know about you, but this boggles my mind. Especially when you are sure an artist is American and all of sudden you hear them speak during an interview and BOOM the American flags you pictured all around them, all of a sudden turn into the flags of our once-called enemies of the 1700s. You know that Jessie J, the one who sings Domino and Price Tag? Super British! Singers don't even try to hide their British accent while they sing, it just comes out American! From what I've read, people say that singing without their native accent, means that they just sing with "neutrality". How can you call that "neutral"? Who decided American speech was neutral? Is the United States the answer to everything"? Should we get into a political science debate? Meh.

All this talk about accents, and it makes me think about actors playing characters with an accent completely different from their native one. It happens, and if done well, you shouldn't hear a difference. But doesn't it seem like the Brits get a lot angrier when we send our american actors to play Englishmen. Hey England, did Robert Downey Jr. really disappoint you with his Sherlock Holmes Rendition? I'm sorry you feel that way, here's a crumpet. How about Rennee Zellweger as Bridget Jones? I for one was extremely surprised she was born in Texas instead of Liverpool or London. I don't remember us getting mad when Hugh Laurie took on House or when Collin Ferrel was in SWAT! The only case I will ever angry with, literally ripping my hair off annoyed, is when they keep casting Emily Mortimer as an American character. Though she's a good actress please stop assuming she will pass as an American. Here, please see for yourself; you can even tell in the trailer for My Idiot Brother: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfyHY58lqCk. Do yourself a favor, if you want her in your movie - fine, but introduce her character as a british chick, what's wrong with that? Just work it in your plot! It's not that hard, they did it for all the Arnold movies. You were fine with the fact he was an Austrian man working as a Los Angeles detective in Kingergarten cop right?

At the end of the day, all I have to say is: accents are fascinating.

Cheerio!

A guide to the respectable Los Angeles driver

Driving in Los Angeles is a job of its own. Unless you are a driving-resident of the city of Los Angeles or its surrounding cities, please read these fair warnings below before getting behind the wheel in the City of "Angels".

Sense of direction:

First and foremost, POP QUIZ! Please point North. Now point South. Point Towards the Ocean. Point towards Downtown. No, not Century City or Wilshire Corridor, I'm talking about the stack of tall buildings that look like mini New York. Okay, if you failed at any of these questions , please open up www.maps.google.com (none of that Mapquest bullshit) in a separate browser window, type in Los Angeles and STUDY. Any LA driver should have a map of of the city engraved in their brain and should transform themselves in a walking compass. If you do not know your north from south or your ocean from downtown, you will get lost. And when you will be lost you, will not find your way back, and when you will ask for directions, the good people of Los Angeles will direct your with the fundamental cardinal points any Angeleno should be able to sense with their eyes closed. Furthermore, when you study your map of LA, please look out for the following important streets that are KEY in this city. It is an unforgivable sin if you do not know where these streets are located, let alone if you make it seem like you have never heard of them.

- Wilshire Blvd - It runs from the Ocean all the way to Downtown, we are talking 15 miles long! If you were a tourist in L.A you could pretty much discover all of the melting-pot of the city by just running down Wilshire.

- Sepulveda - Sepulveda runs from the city to the valley. Please don't hate on the valley too much it's so 1995 (Thank you Alicia Silverstone). It runs along the 405 and can also take you closer to the airport without having to deal with the freeway.

- Laurel Canyon - Laurel will take you from the city to the valley as well but closer to the Hollywood area. It can be misconstrued as the "fancy" way to get to the city, but it's not. The real fancy canyon route is Benedict Canyon, you know because it's in Beverly Hills and all.

I'm not even gonna bother telling you about Hollywood blvd or Sunset Blvd because even as a out-of-towner you should know about this, and if you dont the secret force field around LA county will sense it and prevent you from coming in. And anyway, you're a big girl/boy, you can check the rest out for yourself on dearest google map and educate yourself!

The Drivers:

Los Angeles drivers have 3 categories: the idiots, the impatients and the good drivers. Nothing less, nothing in the middle, nothing more.

- The idiots are to be feared. They are everywhere and cause all sorts of accidents, and have the capability of turning a good driver into an impatient one. I won't go into exact detail about them because I will get some angry letters, but let's just say that stereotypes in this case are pretty accurate. The idiots don't seem to realize they are driving in one of the largest cities in the world. Beware of the grandmas driving 14 miles an hour, or the sad wannabe speeding down the street showing off his recycled-blue Honda CRX. And of course you'll always find yourself saying "Yooohooo bozo in the Toyota Avalon, the green arrow is flashing, you can proceed with the left turn now! It only took 38465282 minutes for it to turn green and for some reason it turns back to red reallllly quickly, so PLEASE get a move on!" You tend to wonder sometimes how come you seem to always be the one in a rush, next to all the others who have, apparently, all the time in the world! which ironically brings me to....

- The impatients. There are some drivers who feel like every second in their drive matters. You will find yourself trying to merge a lane on the freeway and be confronted with some asshole in that next lane speeding as you try to get in. I mean seriously? will letting me in really make you late for work? Will those extra 3 seconds destroy your day? The only time not letting someone in to merge is if they drive like a slow turtle, otherwise be a dear and let me in motherf****!

- The good drivers: good drivers are awesome. They usually like to wave a lot. It is their sign of "I come in peace". For example, they will put their hand up as a sign of thank you when you let them merge lanes or even wave of happiness if you find yourselves in front of each other at a 4way stop sign with the same exact car! You know just like the Larry David Prius rule. FYI: The Larry David Prius rule states that if you find yourself at a stop sign next to another Prius it is common courtesy to wave and have the other driver wave back.

The Traffic

Traffic will never really fix itself in Los Angeles. Traffic is like a zombie. You may try and kill it but it will always come back to life in a worse form, and will never.quite.ever die. Traffic is part of your life, and as much as it may annoy you, will always be inevitable. Don't worry though, it'll always be okay to vent about it to your friends. And people will really believe you when you say you were stuck in traffic and that is why you will be 20 minutes late to your lunch rendez-vous. I mean, don't lie too much though, as we are currently in era of smart phones and it is really easy to see if you are indeed stuck in traffic or not. Learn how to live your life around traffic. Never make dinner plans at 6pm. Avoid the 101 freeway from 7:30am to 9am. And if you have no other choice, then find some buddies to speak with on the phone in order to pass time or get yourself an audio book. Oh and by the way if you do not own bluetooth in your car or an alternative earphones... your cell phone should be taken away from you by law. It's 2012 people! All of your Iphones (and ancient Ipods) came with the white earphones which work as an earpiece - puh-lease. And finally, the ultimate armageddon of Los Angeles that happens every once in a while. I'm not talking about the 405 closure or the presidential visits, I'm talking about the EVIL RAIN that will come and KILL YOU!!!!! That's right, unless you did not know already, Rain in Los Angeles is as villainous as Lucifer himself. When it rains here guys, all hell breaks loose. Angelenos literally freak the F out. All of sudden, their confidence goes out the window and their driving skills (if there were ever even any) get submurged in the .5 inch rain that falls from the sky. I think the DMV should really consider investing in a rain simulation machine to include in the california driving test. Hey, so many people will fail it, it'll probably fix some of the traffic problems. You listening Jerry brown?

Shit Ricky Gervais didn't say

We were all extremely surprised and excited to hear that Ricky was invited back to host the 2012 Golden Globes ceremony, mostly because of how he was equally inappropriate and awesome at the same time a year ago. As an NBC exec, with a network trailing behind all the other big ones, you ask yourself... What the hell would a Fox executive do? Honestly, I thought this whole "let's invite Ricky back" was a pretty great marketing stunt. I think it worked because according to the Hollywood Reporter the ratings have not been this high in a long time.

And yet my friends, there were some disappointment with all this. As much as I thought Ricky was gonna go as insane as last time, he sadly missed the mark. I guess that's what happens when you raise the bar of ridiculousity (yup that's a word) as high as David Schwimmer's Giraffe in Madagascar. Though his monologue was pretty great, his mini roast of Johnny Depp absolutely necessary and his Kardashian jokes in adequate amounts, I still felt like there was a lack of Ricky Gervais during the show. If anything, it ended up being a lot like last year where they started minimizing his appearances on stage as the night went on due to the astronomical amount of crazy shit he was blurting out. But where was the rest of that expected "crazy shit" last night?

Where were the burns about Murdoch? Lindsey Lohan? Rick Perry? Megan Fox's rack or Scarlett Johansson's naked Iphone pictures?

Turns out that after reading the trades even more this week, I came to find out that Ricky did not have carte blanche on his jokes, and that in fact [sadly] the producers had final say on every single one of them. Awww Mr. Gervais, I thought you wouldn't succumb like this? Did Billy Crystal put you up to this? Did he secretly give you one of his oscars in exchange for total domination of the award show hosting gig this year? It's true you could technically beat him, so this strategy by Billy could actually be plausible?

Oh wait... what was that Ricky? They tripled your salary since and extended your green card for another ten years in exchange for total control of your monologue and jokes?

Meh alright. I would have done the same. I guess the poster said it all and you threw away those scissors.

The Gym in the 21st Century

When you decide to join a gym, you can't help feeling like you are signing your soul away to the fitness-devil. We all I remember the episode of Friends where Chandler struggles immensely to get his gym membership canceled; Ross goes with him for support and ends up walking out with an even more costly membership. In all seriousness though, I felt better signing my Graplus student loan paperwork than my LA Fitness membership.

I've tried them all, the independent little gym next to the office (eg: Encino Fitness Center), the big scary corporate gym (eg: 24 hour, LA Fitness) or the fancy shmancy one that I can't afford (eg: Equinox, Sports Club). Honestly, I'd love to be an equinox member, they have complimentary Eucalyptus scented towels for God's sakes! AND their floor is so clean you wouldn't even feel gross licking it. But unfortunately, a membership that costs over $135 a month is where I have to [unfortunately] draw the line at this point in my life.

I've belonged to 24 hour fitness a long time ago. I ended up canceling once [I decided] I had no more time to go because I had started graduate school. I know I had grown bored of the constant routine, and the playlists on my ipod I knew by heart. So why am I back at the gym today you may ask? Beyond the fact that I definitely don't get any exercise while sitting on my ass at the office all day? There is ONE key reason why I made it back at the gym even more regularly than before: MY SMARTPHONE. And not just any smartphone ladies and gentlemen, my 4G speed Smart phone. I'm not going to give you my endless marketing pitch for my aaaaaamazing, super thin, best-thing-I-ever-bought Android Razr, but I will tell you that the SUPER fast, buffer-free data connection really made all the difference. You see, instead of aimlessly going up and down the elliptical for 45 minutes, I actually get caught up on the episodes of Top Chef I forgot to watch or get to discover a new TV series on Netflix. Despite all the retard moves they made this year, I have to give my deepest appreciation to netflix for bringing me Arrested Development every time I have the desire to burn off 400 calories. I know I'm late in the game here, but the Bluths do make my day!

Now that I took care of the entertainment aspect of my visits to the gym, I have to say that it still remains extremely fascinating to people watch. These are the few types of people that will always be frolicking around your local gym:

1. The douche who is always there. This individual lives off protein shakes, power bars and tight wife beaters. His car is always parked in the spot the closest to the front door (how does she get it! Does he cone it or something?), his muscles are hugely unattractive (get to the nearest steroid rehab facility pronto!) and it really seems like he is ALWAYS there when you are there. Do you have a job buddy?

2. The girl who needs to wear a better sports bra (or buy an actual sports bra). Newsflash lady, you have big boobs, and I don't particularly care that your cans are acting like two melons on a trampoline while you are on the treadmill, but isn't it uncomfortable?!

3. The girl with the perfect outfit. There is always that one chick who seems to spend more money on her yoga pants and matching sneakers than the rest of her wardrobe. And how does she keep her clothes so pristine? While I like to wear my 10 year old pair of Abercrombie sweats, maybe the gym is her version of a comfortable fashion show?

4. The old fart. I respect you Arclight Theaters senior member. You are past your prime and you want to exercise, and maybe even look good. Hang in there buddy, I know you can do 3 more sit ups on that exercise ball. How cool of you to choose to wear your Notre Dame Sweatshirt too! You almost remind me of Dr. Lou on ESPN, but please don't take forever on the leg adduction machine.

5. The dumb receptionist. I did not know validating my parking was this difficult? And I'm so sorry to have to ask you to scann my ID and take you away from your precious game of Farmville. Do yourself a flavor and cease the flirting with Sven the trainer, he's just waiting for you to quit so he can also bang your replacement.

Words with Friends I love you

Alec Baldwin is not THAT crazy, at least not to a fellow Words with Friends fanatic. In case you were living under a rock for the past couple months and have not heard about Jack Donaghy getting kicked off an American Airlines flight for refusing to turn off his Ipad as he was in the middle of a Words with Friends' game...well now you know.

Words with friends is fun and educational, or at least I'd like to think so. I AM that annoying person that tells her friends "HEY I went on wwf, it's your turn!" yeah... that's right I call it w-w-f!

I think my love for wwf started even before it was born, when I was 19-20 years old and all my friends had already turned 21. I was stuck at home while everyone was enjoying their giddy 21+ lives at various bars and clubs around town. Don't even mention the fake ID thing, getting it taken away at a local college bar definitely had not brought me any fond memories I wanted to risk living through again. When you live in Los Angeles during summer break and are nearing the end of your teens and still too young to buy Grey Goose at Ralphs, it becomes pretty difficult to keep up with a social lifestyle. You see every movie at the local arclight, walk your dog at least 3 times a day and spend all the the rest of your time on Facebook. And don't forget we are talking about 5 years ago here. The Facebook of 5 years ago!...how was that even entertaining? All of this to tell you that this is how I developed a love for Scrabble. That's right! My friends and I actually started to play scrabble religiously. At our respective houses, at the neighborhood's Coffee Bean, at the local Starbucks, at the other local Starbucks.... And you know what, I got pretty frickn good at it! If someone could get a Dolorean and go tell my 19 year old self that smart phones became much smarter and that scrabble was available all the time through a magical application called wwf... I mean wow, I would have forgotten all about not being able to party it up at a Super Hip * Area * nightclub in West Hollywood and spent my entire life on the net.

I don't know about you, but Words with Friends is fulfilling in many ways. Here are some of them:

1. It helps me get through my boring day at work.

2. I learn new vocabulary everyday

3. It boosts myself confidence every time I make a word worth over 32 points.

4. I've never liked and hated the letter Q so much.

5. It helps me get through my boring day at work.

6. It brings me closer to some of my Facebook friends

7. It reveals to me who in real life is a genuine person verses a CHEATER, yeah you! I know you are not building those words yourself! Yes! you! You are not the only one who knows about lexicalwordfinder.com. How do I know you are cheating? It's easy buddy, you are not that smart in real life...trust me I know. I just DO!

8. It helps me through my boring day at work.

Anywhoo, just remember to get rid of the letter C as soon as you can, try not lay down your words next to TRIPPLE WORD cases or you will regret it. Qua is a word. So is AE. And again, if you did not go to a top #15 school and play the word Zouaves I know you are cheating.

The [not so] Mysterious Car

I share a piece of parking space/sidewalk with the same car almost every day.

I almost feel like I have to park next to it now, as if we had an assigned spot or something.

But in reality, we are just 2 cars who happen to park next to each other in front of our respective buildings. I almost enjoy the recurrence of our parking choices.

We both don't have spots inside our building's lot, instead we own the street with our overnight parking permits.

I feel like I know so much about you, red PT Cruiser. I know where you went to school and grad school because of the stickers on your back window. I think it was a long time ago, because they are not as shiny as they probably once were. I know where you work because of the frames around your license plates. Only because you work in animation for a cool studio do I think it's okay you decided to advertise where you work on the rear-end of your car. I know you are kind of a nerd because you have a Star Trek bumper sticker. I guess that kind of makes me a nerd too because I knew it was a Star Trek bumper sticker.

Lately, your car has been parked on the street a lot more than usual. It's actually been around when I've left for the office later than usual, as well as come back home earlier in the day. Did you get fired from your job red PT Cruiser? Damn that sucks. Those bastards. How can you keep your license plate frames on then? Do yourself a favor and switch them out. There must be something you can buy that says "i'd rather be cruising space on the Enterprise". Do you want me to bring down a screw driver and do it for you?

Until next time,

Your neighbor, the Black Prius.

The end of December, the Black Hole of the year.

I guess there are several times during the year where an office has literally gone as useless as the last season of Entourage.

There is of course the 3 days before Thanks Giving; most people will actually work on that Monday, work somewhat that Tuesday morning, spend the rest of that afternoon on Facebook and hit up the airport by Wednesday. Serious solution: make Thanks Giving a 6-day-vacation. I'm sure Google & DreamWorks offer it to their employees. I mean, aren't they the companies with free daily lunches and standing-by masseuses? They must also give all their employees time off on Valentines day and Post Superbowl Hangover Monday...duh.

But the worst still remains the last 2 weeks of December. Everyone leaves the city. Even the ones who are from the "city". All of a sudden it seems like everyone has family in Middle America whom they have to suddenly go see. I mean, what is really the point in keeping the obsolete office fax machine on? If CAA and ICM close down starting December 16th... Why is your entertainment related business even open? I read through Variety yesterday... ALL FOUR pages were MIND-BLOWINGLY interesting. Who knew Tom Cruise was back? And just in case I did not know already, The Artist is [already] a winner of this year's Best Picture. No really? I had no idea.

Seriously, what is the point? I think you are officially as much of a loser as the kid who did not wear braces in 5th grade, if you keep your office open during this time. Hollywood is screaming, "It is cool to take 2 weeks off!"; "Go! Go party your ass off in Vegas with all of the LA Persian community!" "Go for the weekend in big Bear with your college buddies, and don’t forget to post about how many Jager shots you took on Facebook!” It's only fair guys, the French have 5-6 week vacation time a year! And that does not include all 348259427294 three-day weekends they get due to their obligation in following absolutely all-Christian related holidays throughout the year.

Xmas comes, and usually Hanukkah overlaps. We light the candles once, and then we forget about the 6 others... I mean 7. We attend 2-3 Holiday parties, and exchange some White Elephant presents you decided to bring home and store in your closet even though it could have gone straight in the trash, because you know it'll come in handy next year for yet another one of those parties... but when comes the next year, you forgot all about it and still go to World Market to purchase yet another funky wine opener. Ahh modern life, you marvel me. I actually kinda enjoy the Christmas music at the mall, until Jingle Bell is stuck in my head for 3 days straight, the Mean Girls' version of course! You see so many movies, you tell yourself your New Year's resolution will be to start a movie review blog, which you will forget about by February 4th. And don't forget that you will be part of the cool club when you get your hands on special Academy screeners! No seriously... this is very Elite.

And then MY FAVORITE day of the year (Please excuse my obvious sarcasm) where I become New Year's Eve's Grinch...December 31st. I loathe the day ever since November 27th, when I decided that this year NYE would be different and spectacular! And then on November 29th when I realize that who am I kidding? None of my friends are gonna commit to anything, I then decide that this year I'm not going to care...But no guys, I will not subdue like years past. I will not spend $150 on the big Hollywood Hills mansion Party or the $200 dollar tickets for Roosevelt's overcrowded Open Bar douche fest. Instead I'm gonna go to Music Box and enjoy some of my favorite music... Electro of course.

And to all…a HAPPY NEW YEAR!