The Gym in the 21st Century

When you decide to join a gym, you can't help feeling like you are signing your soul away to the fitness-devil. We all I remember the episode of Friends where Chandler struggles immensely to get his gym membership canceled; Ross goes with him for support and ends up walking out with an even more costly membership. In all seriousness though, I felt better signing my Graplus student loan paperwork than my LA Fitness membership.

I've tried them all, the independent little gym next to the office (eg: Encino Fitness Center), the big scary corporate gym (eg: 24 hour, LA Fitness) or the fancy shmancy one that I can't afford (eg: Equinox, Sports Club). Honestly, I'd love to be an equinox member, they have complimentary Eucalyptus scented towels for God's sakes! AND their floor is so clean you wouldn't even feel gross licking it. But unfortunately, a membership that costs over $135 a month is where I have to [unfortunately] draw the line at this point in my life.

I've belonged to 24 hour fitness a long time ago. I ended up canceling once [I decided] I had no more time to go because I had started graduate school. I know I had grown bored of the constant routine, and the playlists on my ipod I knew by heart. So why am I back at the gym today you may ask? Beyond the fact that I definitely don't get any exercise while sitting on my ass at the office all day? There is ONE key reason why I made it back at the gym even more regularly than before: MY SMARTPHONE. And not just any smartphone ladies and gentlemen, my 4G speed Smart phone. I'm not going to give you my endless marketing pitch for my aaaaaamazing, super thin, best-thing-I-ever-bought Android Razr, but I will tell you that the SUPER fast, buffer-free data connection really made all the difference. You see, instead of aimlessly going up and down the elliptical for 45 minutes, I actually get caught up on the episodes of Top Chef I forgot to watch or get to discover a new TV series on Netflix. Despite all the retard moves they made this year, I have to give my deepest appreciation to netflix for bringing me Arrested Development every time I have the desire to burn off 400 calories. I know I'm late in the game here, but the Bluths do make my day!

Now that I took care of the entertainment aspect of my visits to the gym, I have to say that it still remains extremely fascinating to people watch. These are the few types of people that will always be frolicking around your local gym:

1. The douche who is always there. This individual lives off protein shakes, power bars and tight wife beaters. His car is always parked in the spot the closest to the front door (how does she get it! Does he cone it or something?), his muscles are hugely unattractive (get to the nearest steroid rehab facility pronto!) and it really seems like he is ALWAYS there when you are there. Do you have a job buddy?

2. The girl who needs to wear a better sports bra (or buy an actual sports bra). Newsflash lady, you have big boobs, and I don't particularly care that your cans are acting like two melons on a trampoline while you are on the treadmill, but isn't it uncomfortable?!

3. The girl with the perfect outfit. There is always that one chick who seems to spend more money on her yoga pants and matching sneakers than the rest of her wardrobe. And how does she keep her clothes so pristine? While I like to wear my 10 year old pair of Abercrombie sweats, maybe the gym is her version of a comfortable fashion show?

4. The old fart. I respect you Arclight Theaters senior member. You are past your prime and you want to exercise, and maybe even look good. Hang in there buddy, I know you can do 3 more sit ups on that exercise ball. How cool of you to choose to wear your Notre Dame Sweatshirt too! You almost remind me of Dr. Lou on ESPN, but please don't take forever on the leg adduction machine.

5. The dumb receptionist. I did not know validating my parking was this difficult? And I'm so sorry to have to ask you to scann my ID and take you away from your precious game of Farmville. Do yourself a flavor and cease the flirting with Sven the trainer, he's just waiting for you to quit so he can also bang your replacement.