Shit Ricky Gervais didn't say

We were all extremely surprised and excited to hear that Ricky was invited back to host the 2012 Golden Globes ceremony, mostly because of how he was equally inappropriate and awesome at the same time a year ago. As an NBC exec, with a network trailing behind all the other big ones, you ask yourself... What the hell would a Fox executive do? Honestly, I thought this whole "let's invite Ricky back" was a pretty great marketing stunt. I think it worked because according to the Hollywood Reporter the ratings have not been this high in a long time.

And yet my friends, there were some disappointment with all this. As much as I thought Ricky was gonna go as insane as last time, he sadly missed the mark. I guess that's what happens when you raise the bar of ridiculousity (yup that's a word) as high as David Schwimmer's Giraffe in Madagascar. Though his monologue was pretty great, his mini roast of Johnny Depp absolutely necessary and his Kardashian jokes in adequate amounts, I still felt like there was a lack of Ricky Gervais during the show. If anything, it ended up being a lot like last year where they started minimizing his appearances on stage as the night went on due to the astronomical amount of crazy shit he was blurting out. But where was the rest of that expected "crazy shit" last night?

Where were the burns about Murdoch? Lindsey Lohan? Rick Perry? Megan Fox's rack or Scarlett Johansson's naked Iphone pictures?

Turns out that after reading the trades even more this week, I came to find out that Ricky did not have carte blanche on his jokes, and that in fact [sadly] the producers had final say on every single one of them. Awww Mr. Gervais, I thought you wouldn't succumb like this? Did Billy Crystal put you up to this? Did he secretly give you one of his oscars in exchange for total domination of the award show hosting gig this year? It's true you could technically beat him, so this strategy by Billy could actually be plausible?

Oh wait... what was that Ricky? They tripled your salary since and extended your green card for another ten years in exchange for total control of your monologue and jokes?

Meh alright. I would have done the same. I guess the poster said it all and you threw away those scissors.

The Gym in the 21st Century

When you decide to join a gym, you can't help feeling like you are signing your soul away to the fitness-devil. We all I remember the episode of Friends where Chandler struggles immensely to get his gym membership canceled; Ross goes with him for support and ends up walking out with an even more costly membership. In all seriousness though, I felt better signing my Graplus student loan paperwork than my LA Fitness membership.

I've tried them all, the independent little gym next to the office (eg: Encino Fitness Center), the big scary corporate gym (eg: 24 hour, LA Fitness) or the fancy shmancy one that I can't afford (eg: Equinox, Sports Club). Honestly, I'd love to be an equinox member, they have complimentary Eucalyptus scented towels for God's sakes! AND their floor is so clean you wouldn't even feel gross licking it. But unfortunately, a membership that costs over $135 a month is where I have to [unfortunately] draw the line at this point in my life.

I've belonged to 24 hour fitness a long time ago. I ended up canceling once [I decided] I had no more time to go because I had started graduate school. I know I had grown bored of the constant routine, and the playlists on my ipod I knew by heart. So why am I back at the gym today you may ask? Beyond the fact that I definitely don't get any exercise while sitting on my ass at the office all day? There is ONE key reason why I made it back at the gym even more regularly than before: MY SMARTPHONE. And not just any smartphone ladies and gentlemen, my 4G speed Smart phone. I'm not going to give you my endless marketing pitch for my aaaaaamazing, super thin, best-thing-I-ever-bought Android Razr, but I will tell you that the SUPER fast, buffer-free data connection really made all the difference. You see, instead of aimlessly going up and down the elliptical for 45 minutes, I actually get caught up on the episodes of Top Chef I forgot to watch or get to discover a new TV series on Netflix. Despite all the retard moves they made this year, I have to give my deepest appreciation to netflix for bringing me Arrested Development every time I have the desire to burn off 400 calories. I know I'm late in the game here, but the Bluths do make my day!

Now that I took care of the entertainment aspect of my visits to the gym, I have to say that it still remains extremely fascinating to people watch. These are the few types of people that will always be frolicking around your local gym:

1. The douche who is always there. This individual lives off protein shakes, power bars and tight wife beaters. His car is always parked in the spot the closest to the front door (how does she get it! Does he cone it or something?), his muscles are hugely unattractive (get to the nearest steroid rehab facility pronto!) and it really seems like he is ALWAYS there when you are there. Do you have a job buddy?

2. The girl who needs to wear a better sports bra (or buy an actual sports bra). Newsflash lady, you have big boobs, and I don't particularly care that your cans are acting like two melons on a trampoline while you are on the treadmill, but isn't it uncomfortable?!

3. The girl with the perfect outfit. There is always that one chick who seems to spend more money on her yoga pants and matching sneakers than the rest of her wardrobe. And how does she keep her clothes so pristine? While I like to wear my 10 year old pair of Abercrombie sweats, maybe the gym is her version of a comfortable fashion show?

4. The old fart. I respect you Arclight Theaters senior member. You are past your prime and you want to exercise, and maybe even look good. Hang in there buddy, I know you can do 3 more sit ups on that exercise ball. How cool of you to choose to wear your Notre Dame Sweatshirt too! You almost remind me of Dr. Lou on ESPN, but please don't take forever on the leg adduction machine.

5. The dumb receptionist. I did not know validating my parking was this difficult? And I'm so sorry to have to ask you to scann my ID and take you away from your precious game of Farmville. Do yourself a flavor and cease the flirting with Sven the trainer, he's just waiting for you to quit so he can also bang your replacement.

Words with Friends I love you

Alec Baldwin is not THAT crazy, at least not to a fellow Words with Friends fanatic. In case you were living under a rock for the past couple months and have not heard about Jack Donaghy getting kicked off an American Airlines flight for refusing to turn off his Ipad as he was in the middle of a Words with Friends' game...well now you know.

Words with friends is fun and educational, or at least I'd like to think so. I AM that annoying person that tells her friends "HEY I went on wwf, it's your turn!" yeah... that's right I call it w-w-f!

I think my love for wwf started even before it was born, when I was 19-20 years old and all my friends had already turned 21. I was stuck at home while everyone was enjoying their giddy 21+ lives at various bars and clubs around town. Don't even mention the fake ID thing, getting it taken away at a local college bar definitely had not brought me any fond memories I wanted to risk living through again. When you live in Los Angeles during summer break and are nearing the end of your teens and still too young to buy Grey Goose at Ralphs, it becomes pretty difficult to keep up with a social lifestyle. You see every movie at the local arclight, walk your dog at least 3 times a day and spend all the the rest of your time on Facebook. And don't forget we are talking about 5 years ago here. The Facebook of 5 years ago!...how was that even entertaining? All of this to tell you that this is how I developed a love for Scrabble. That's right! My friends and I actually started to play scrabble religiously. At our respective houses, at the neighborhood's Coffee Bean, at the local Starbucks, at the other local Starbucks.... And you know what, I got pretty frickn good at it! If someone could get a Dolorean and go tell my 19 year old self that smart phones became much smarter and that scrabble was available all the time through a magical application called wwf... I mean wow, I would have forgotten all about not being able to party it up at a Super Hip * Area * nightclub in West Hollywood and spent my entire life on the net.

I don't know about you, but Words with Friends is fulfilling in many ways. Here are some of them:

1. It helps me get through my boring day at work.

2. I learn new vocabulary everyday

3. It boosts myself confidence every time I make a word worth over 32 points.

4. I've never liked and hated the letter Q so much.

5. It helps me get through my boring day at work.

6. It brings me closer to some of my Facebook friends

7. It reveals to me who in real life is a genuine person verses a CHEATER, yeah you! I know you are not building those words yourself! Yes! you! You are not the only one who knows about lexicalwordfinder.com. How do I know you are cheating? It's easy buddy, you are not that smart in real life...trust me I know. I just DO!

8. It helps me through my boring day at work.

Anywhoo, just remember to get rid of the letter C as soon as you can, try not lay down your words next to TRIPPLE WORD cases or you will regret it. Qua is a word. So is AE. And again, if you did not go to a top #15 school and play the word Zouaves I know you are cheating.

The [not so] Mysterious Car

I share a piece of parking space/sidewalk with the same car almost every day.

I almost feel like I have to park next to it now, as if we had an assigned spot or something.

But in reality, we are just 2 cars who happen to park next to each other in front of our respective buildings. I almost enjoy the recurrence of our parking choices.

We both don't have spots inside our building's lot, instead we own the street with our overnight parking permits.

I feel like I know so much about you, red PT Cruiser. I know where you went to school and grad school because of the stickers on your back window. I think it was a long time ago, because they are not as shiny as they probably once were. I know where you work because of the frames around your license plates. Only because you work in animation for a cool studio do I think it's okay you decided to advertise where you work on the rear-end of your car. I know you are kind of a nerd because you have a Star Trek bumper sticker. I guess that kind of makes me a nerd too because I knew it was a Star Trek bumper sticker.

Lately, your car has been parked on the street a lot more than usual. It's actually been around when I've left for the office later than usual, as well as come back home earlier in the day. Did you get fired from your job red PT Cruiser? Damn that sucks. Those bastards. How can you keep your license plate frames on then? Do yourself a favor and switch them out. There must be something you can buy that says "i'd rather be cruising space on the Enterprise". Do you want me to bring down a screw driver and do it for you?

Until next time,

Your neighbor, the Black Prius.

The end of December, the Black Hole of the year.

I guess there are several times during the year where an office has literally gone as useless as the last season of Entourage.

There is of course the 3 days before Thanks Giving; most people will actually work on that Monday, work somewhat that Tuesday morning, spend the rest of that afternoon on Facebook and hit up the airport by Wednesday. Serious solution: make Thanks Giving a 6-day-vacation. I'm sure Google & DreamWorks offer it to their employees. I mean, aren't they the companies with free daily lunches and standing-by masseuses? They must also give all their employees time off on Valentines day and Post Superbowl Hangover Monday...duh.

But the worst still remains the last 2 weeks of December. Everyone leaves the city. Even the ones who are from the "city". All of a sudden it seems like everyone has family in Middle America whom they have to suddenly go see. I mean, what is really the point in keeping the obsolete office fax machine on? If CAA and ICM close down starting December 16th... Why is your entertainment related business even open? I read through Variety yesterday... ALL FOUR pages were MIND-BLOWINGLY interesting. Who knew Tom Cruise was back? And just in case I did not know already, The Artist is [already] a winner of this year's Best Picture. No really? I had no idea.

Seriously, what is the point? I think you are officially as much of a loser as the kid who did not wear braces in 5th grade, if you keep your office open during this time. Hollywood is screaming, "It is cool to take 2 weeks off!"; "Go! Go party your ass off in Vegas with all of the LA Persian community!" "Go for the weekend in big Bear with your college buddies, and don’t forget to post about how many Jager shots you took on Facebook!” It's only fair guys, the French have 5-6 week vacation time a year! And that does not include all 348259427294 three-day weekends they get due to their obligation in following absolutely all-Christian related holidays throughout the year.

Xmas comes, and usually Hanukkah overlaps. We light the candles once, and then we forget about the 6 others... I mean 7. We attend 2-3 Holiday parties, and exchange some White Elephant presents you decided to bring home and store in your closet even though it could have gone straight in the trash, because you know it'll come in handy next year for yet another one of those parties... but when comes the next year, you forgot all about it and still go to World Market to purchase yet another funky wine opener. Ahh modern life, you marvel me. I actually kinda enjoy the Christmas music at the mall, until Jingle Bell is stuck in my head for 3 days straight, the Mean Girls' version of course! You see so many movies, you tell yourself your New Year's resolution will be to start a movie review blog, which you will forget about by February 4th. And don't forget that you will be part of the cool club when you get your hands on special Academy screeners! No seriously... this is very Elite.

And then MY FAVORITE day of the year (Please excuse my obvious sarcasm) where I become New Year's Eve's Grinch...December 31st. I loathe the day ever since November 27th, when I decided that this year NYE would be different and spectacular! And then on November 29th when I realize that who am I kidding? None of my friends are gonna commit to anything, I then decide that this year I'm not going to care...But no guys, I will not subdue like years past. I will not spend $150 on the big Hollywood Hills mansion Party or the $200 dollar tickets for Roosevelt's overcrowded Open Bar douche fest. Instead I'm gonna go to Music Box and enjoy some of my favorite music... Electro of course.

And to all…a HAPPY NEW YEAR!